The Soap Opera
by PapillonStar
Summary: Dive and Mal find some common ground.


Hookay, I'm really starting to like this whole Duck fanfic thing, so I'm gonna do another one

Hookay, I'm really starting to like this whole Duck fanfic thing, so I'm gonna do another one! I'm not sure where I got the idea for this, but it just came to me. I hope you like it!

By the way, I found out there's another Papillon here, so I added Star to the end, to differentiate. But I still go by Papillon, k?

The Soap Opera

Wildwing was worried. It was quiet today. Too quiet.

Wing hadn't seen hide nor hair (in this case feather) of his younger brother today, and he was worried. When Nosedive was quiet, well, watch your step. You could fall victim to a prank faster than you could say a thing. So he had to watch his step. 

It was noon, and the Ducks were going about their business as usual. Tanya was working on her latest invention and Duke was supervising her. With Tanya's reputation of blowing things up, the Ducks can never be too careful. Grin was meditating (as usual), and Mallory was watching TV. Wing realized he hadn't seen much of her all morning, either. Apparently there was some kind of marathon, and she came out of the TV room for munchies once in a while.

But that still left Nosedive. And frankly, it was driving Wing nuts. He tiptoed through every door, expecting to get hit with something, he checked every hallway before entering, and jumped at every little noise. He _had_ to find out what Dive was up to. Or he would implode.

After interrogating the team with no avail, Wildwing decided to ask Mallory. He also decided to warn her, because Mallory was the target of so many practical jokes in the past. 'I just hope she doesn't get mad at me for disturbing whatever show she's been watching,' Wing thought as he entered the TV room. And received the shock of his life.

The marathon on TV was on the Soap Opera Network, and Nosedive and Mallory were watching it together. Wing rubbed his eyes. 'This can't be right…' he thought as he approached the two on the couch.

_"Jack, I…I have a confession to make…"_ said the woman on TV.

_"What is it, Alice?"_ Jack asked her.

"Oh nothing, it's just that I've been having an affair for the past two years…" said Nosedive, mimicking "Alice" on TV. "So Mal, wanna make a bet?"

Mallory took a handful of popcorn. "I'm guessing it's Jason…yea, Jason…"

Nosedive smirked. "No way! It's gotta be Todd. Jason would never do that!" he explained. "Pass the popcorn, please."

"Shh! She's gonna say it!" said Mallory.

_"…With who, Alice? WITH WHO?"_

_"*sniffle* With…with…"_ Nosedive and Mallory both leaned forward.

"C'mon Jason! It's gotta be Jason!"

"No way, dudette, it's gonna be Todd."

"SHUT UP!!!!"

They waited for the crying woman's reply. _"With…with…Mike…"_

Nosedive gasped. "YOU TRAMP!" he yelled. "With Mike!?" 

"Eww…but he's married!" shouted Mallory.

_"Alice…I didn't want to have to tell you this, but Mike's my brother…"_

Mallory's jaw hit the floor, and Nosedive tossed the popcorn bowl into the air in surprise. Popcorn flew everywhere and the empty bowl landed on Wildwing's head.

"HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?!?" Mallory shrieked. She turned toward her companion. "SHE…DIVE! YOU SPILLED THE POPCORN! Oh, hey Wildwing! Care to join us?"

"Hey! Mike and Jack are BROTHERS?!?" Nosedive yelled. "Oh my gosh! That's sooo not right…Oh, hey Wing. Wow, nice hat!"

_"Why didn't you tell me this?"_ asked Alice. Suddenly another woman burst through the door.

_"Helen!"_ said Jack.

_"You! It was YOU! You were the one sleeping with my husband!"_ Helen yelled. She charged up to Alice and slapped her in the face._ "You TRAMP!"_

"That's what I said, too!" said Nosedive, annoyed by Alice's behavior. "YOU GO, GIRL!" 

Wildwing shook his head. 'This is new…who would've thought that Dive would like Soap Operas?' he thought as he turned and left the room.

Two hours later, Wildwing decided to check up on Mallory and Nosedive. He walked into the room.

Dive and Mal had majorly sad looks in their eyes as the sappy music played on the TV. 

_"No Helen! You can't go! You just can't! I'm so sorry I slept with Mike! I'm sooooo sorry! Just don't die on me!"_ Alice said to the unconscious Helen, who was wrapped up in bandages and was breathing from an oxygen tube. Mallory handed Dive a tissue, and he blew his nose rather loudly.

The heart monitor went flat. _"NOOO!!!!!"_ screamed Alice.

"NOOOO!!!!" screamed the crying Ducks on the couch. Mallory started to sob, and Nosedive wrapped his arms around her.

"It's just not fair! Why did it have to be Helen? WHY?!? She was so young!" screamed Mallory.

Nosedive rubbed her back, tears welling up in his eyes. "There there Mal, it's ok. It's all right to let it out. But we have to be strong. For Mike!" he said heroically. 

"Oh please…" Wildwing said, leaving the room and his two sobbing teammates behind him as the doors closed.

At dinnertime, Nosedive and Mallory entered the kitchen and sat down at the table. The others had ordered pizza, not knowing when the Soap Marathon would be over. 

"Can you believe that?" Mallory asked him. "Mike and Jack were brothers! I didn't see _that_ one coming. Although I knew Helen would be hit by the truck." She took a bite of pizza.

"Didn't everyone?" asked Dive. "I mean, come on! It was as plain as day!"

That's when they noticed the other Ducks staring at them. They ignored them and continued their conversation.

"I mean, they soooo don't look like each other, zero resemblance," Mallory said. 

"Not all brothers look alike, y'know…" said Dive, pointing his pizza at her matter-of-factly. "Take me and Wing, for instance. Here is me, the hip, happenin', good-looking Hunk o' Duckie, then there's him, the old-geezer, bald, ugly dude."

They looked over when a weird snorking sound came from the other end of the table. Wildwing had inhaled his drink and was coughing. "HEY! WHO'RE YOU CALLIN' BALD?!?" he yelled, standing up.

"You!" Dive said with a laugh. "Where'd your hair go? Like I said, you're just getting old…" 

Dive squeeked and slid out of his chair and under the table as Wing charged at him. Tanya squwaked as Dive shot out from under her chair and ran around the counter. Wing vaulted over the counter and landed on Nosedive, causing them both to fall to the floor out of the Ducks' line of vision. They saw Dive trying to breaststroke across the floor, but Wing had a hold of his ankle. Wing used this opportunity wisely. They wrestled around on the floor for a moment, then Wing ended up sitting on Dive, who was lying on his stomach.

"Oh great…" Dive muttered as Wing proceeded to tickle him. "Hawhahahah! NO!! STOPhahahahaahaHEEELP!!HeheheheheheHELLPPP!!! AHH!!! hawhawhawhawAHH!!!!" he screamed.

"Ok now, take back what you said!" Wing demanded.

"Never!" Dive yelled.

"Suit yourself."

"HAHAHAHAHAH STOP!! OK OK!!hehehehe I TAKE IT BACK!!!"

"All of it?"

"Yea, except for th' ugly par-HART!!!! HAHAHAHAHAH STOP! OK! YOU'RE NOT UGLY! I TAKE THAT BACK TOO!!!"

"Good! Don't let it happen again." Said Wildwing.

Nosedive nodded. "Deal, can I get up now?"

"NOPE!" Wing shouted and continuing his tickle-fest. Nosedive was screaming and Wing was smiling evilly as Mallory realized that they did have a resemblance. They both had this goofy look in their eyes when they were having fun. There were more, but Mallory didn't want to go into detail. Her pizza was getting cold.


End file.
